Sunday, December 02, 2007

Reserve Now for Best Price!

So today was C & D's annual holiday brunch. The food, decor and conversation were outstanding, as always. We'll post a picture of the dancing/singing gay snowman soon!

As we talked about the crappy real estate market, our kids, lack there of, or procuring sperm for creating future kids, the conversation turned to retirement. Some of us are closer than others, and some of us are pretty sure we'll never be able to afford to retire. We're quite confident we've come up with a marketable proposition to help us all ease comfortably into our gay old age.

It won't be your traditional lesbian retirement community -- money alone won't buy you a spot and weekly bingo. We're planning something a bit more exclusive.

We think about 10 acres somewhere here in the Tri-state would get us started. A nice, tree-filled space, long, winding driveway, perhaps a small pasture or two for goats, alpaca, a few horses.

A retinal scanner at the gate will ensure proper identity and security. And the moat, of course, will be the perfect final deterrent to prevent the bevy of those-whose-names-will-not-be-spoken here from gaining entry and disturbing our golden years.

Then there'll be a lengthy application process conducted by the admissions office,(okay, actually that's D and myself; I won't speak for her, but I have trust issues that require my involvement!). We'll start with a psychological screening, perhaps administer a personality type test or two, conduct a credit report analysis, do an astrological chart, and conclude with an intensive survey of how involved the individual has been in the more damaging activities on the local lesbian scene.

We think we can meet most daily living needs via careful marketing to those around today's table and a handful of others -- a couple of nurses, a massage therapist or three, a professor/organic gardener, accountant, one or two IT types to keep us web-connected.

Aside from deciding what limits to set on the cat population, the plan is coming together nicely.

Champagne punch in a snowman cup is quite the thing...


Rita said...

As silly as it may sound, it is a credible solution to avoiding someone making the decision of where you end up when you are too old to take care of yourself. If you are a couple with no children then someone in your family could make the decision that it is best that you are separated from your partner and placed in a nursing home. A nursing home with traditional and conservative values that does not respect the full rights of the individual. (Most nursing homes have a resident's bill of rights but they don't include domestic partnership or gender considerations)

So what ensures that your assisted living during retirement meets the same standard that you have been accustomed to all of your life?

The idea of three to four couples buying a piece of property and securing a retirement home for themselves seemed to be an ideal solution. Of course there are a myriad of things that would have to be planned out for something like this to work but as we all sat around the table and discussed, it seemed like a an idea that could work.

The thought of me being moved to a nursing home when I have slowed down is frightening to me. To have someone in my family make the decision to move me away from my partner and into a public or private owned facility is not a pleasant thought. We all have had moments where we have been persecuted through our lives for who we are and now in the very last minutes of my life that persecution could continue simply based on "the system's" set of moral value.? "Oh.....the woman in room 208 must be restrained because she may wander into other ladies rooms. She's gay you know".

Yeah....that is exactly the type of thing I am talking about.

drowning pisces said...

I love the idea! Rita, I agree with you, for many of us this is a frightening topic. I don't have kids, and don't plan to have them. That fact alone makes growing old a scary thing. Knowing that I could very easily not have anyone around to look out for my best interest when I need it is VERY unnerving. (though I guess having children doesn't necessarily GARANTEE that they will look out for you, but your chances are a hell of a lot higher). Let alone the fact, as you say that someone else may get to determine your "lifestyle". I'll bet your group chat will become closer to reality for many of us as time goes by... I mean just look at Billie Jean King and her Rainbow Retirement Communities! Now that's what I'm talkin' about!

Oh... can I get an application for one of the IT spots??

Great post.

Lynt said...

thanks rita for adding the sobering reality to my post -- that was the root of our conversation. as an only child, who is childless by choice, my 'golden years' are particularly frightening. guess that's why i stuck to the lighter side.

'course, i've often thought if i spoiled friends' kids adequately enough perhaps they'd feel indebted. maybe?

pisces, your application is in the mail...

Hahn at Home said...

I do math and make thing flow smoothly. Can I help?

drowning pisces said...

Hey Lynt... you've been tagged if you're up for it. Visit me for the info. - DP

Rita said...

Hahn.....math and organizational skills are very much welcomed!! You have moved to the top of the applicant pile!

Anonymous said...

I am currently going through the nursing home ordeal and more with my folks now. Trying to place one spouse permanently in a nursing home because the other spouse cannot take care of them. I tried for many years to get them to have continguency plans in place, paperwork in I am the one making the decisions and it tears me up.
There is a lot of work to be down to get your ideas going but I love the preplanning!