Thursday, August 09, 2007

Mid-life Crisis?

Oh yeah. I already had one of those. Maybe even a couple. (No snarky comments from those unfortunate enough to have crossed paths with me during one or more of those, thanks!)

So maybe what I'm really having this week (this month?) is a symptom of the ridiculous heat that's oppressing a better mood from evolving. Or maybe it's my most recent failure to 'forward this e-mail to your 10 closest friends and enjoy days of happiness beyond your wildest dreams'.

Then again, maybe it's my job. My increasingly overwhelming-workload-out-of-control-ideas-with-no-strategic-purpose-or-resources-8-to-whenever-I-log-off-at-night job. Do I need a change? If I told you how long I'd been there, you'd laugh and say OF COURSE you need a change. But as I've often joked, I'm still not sure I know what I want to do with my life.

And I don't think that's so uncommon for 40-somethings these days. Most of my close workplace-based friends (okay, sue me for segmenting) are a few years younger than me. They're just approaching mid-career. I think I missed it all together. Now I actually find myself thinking that lay off I endured in my 20s was seriously wasted on me at that point in my life. I traded one job for another so quickly I didn't even know I'd lost a job, really. And now I'm old enough and enough of a worrier (thanks mom) that I'm even afraid to contemplate change. That's even funnier when you know I have a reputation on the job for 'embracing and leading change' -- a direct quote from my last appraisal, no less. But I'm solo breadwinner unless the dog gets a big movie break or Rita finally convinces me that buying lottery tix is a viable option.

How does one find the next 'thing' they're passionate enough about to endure, oops, I mean pursue avidly for 10 hours a day? I'm pretty sure the answer isn't found at monster.com. But of course, I'm actually to afraid to go there...

2 comments:

Hahn at Home said...

I've had about three mid-life crisis. They give me a chance to do insane things and blame it on the hormonal flux of premenopause.

Striking balance is tough--I struggle with it every day. Good luck to you!

Ida said...

interesting to hear your description of a feeling more than some of us share. i would offer that i view my 9-5 as something that simply provides me the financial opportunity to do what i love, which almost all occurs outside of the workplace. i still struggle with 'finding my purpose', following my passion, etc. am available to chat any time ...