Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Forward Motion

My life lately has been all about the motion of moving forward.

Keep moving....don't stop....can't stop....keep breathing....keep eating......try to sleep well.....eyes straight ahead.....move along little doggy.....

It is the approach that I have taken in my personal life. I don't have time to look back and reflect nor do I have the time to waste energy on things that are simply going nowhere. I am well aware of the type of people I need in my life and I want someone to be there full time to slow me down, assist with my breathing while I keep moving forward in this marathon that I am running. As I have said before, I am not a runner by nature so a good supporting cast is hugely important to my life. It takes commitment to run a marathon and a relationship is a marathon not a sprint.

My father keeps my eyes looking forward. I have had to take control of all aspects of his life to ensure that things keep moving forward in his life. He is battling with his dementia meds at the moment and the doctors are switching out medicinal recipes to see what the best fit is for him. Once that is in check, he can go back to the nursing home. It's been about four weeks of "balancing" and I am eager for him to regain some normalcy to his life. The nursing home is the new normal and it is one that will support him until his final days on this earth. His struggle becomes my struggle. I have spent the last four weeks going through his house in clean up mode. Discarding years (and I mean years) of invoices and tax out closets and making sense of his garage that contains a lifetime of plumbing tools. With a little help from some knowledgeable friends who know a few more things about tools, my garage sale was a success this past weekend. It was picked clean of things that any handy man or contractor would value. I had a twinge of sadness in regards to the sale - a lifetime of work all summed up in boxes laying out on sawhorses to be picked through by those who didn't know how hard my Dad worked over the years. "It has to be done" I told myself and I moved on from those feelings. The next leg in the race - the house will be put on the market.

Keep moving....don't stop....can't stop....keep step in front of the other.....

I keep pressing forward. Summer is right around the corner. I am going out with friends and making new friends. I am making plans for a nice "breakdown" vacation away at the end of Summer so I can just "be". This is what my life is about these days. I am caught up in each moment that comes my way and working with that moment when it arises. Don't get me has not been all gloomy moments. Some moments have been surprisingly sweet and fun and those are the moments that bring me back to the best part of myself and recharge me as I move forward.

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