Monday, April 09, 2007

My head is going to explode

Sounds like an allergy problem doesn't it? I would love for it simply to be an allergy issue. However, it is my job that is keeping my brain consumed five days a week.

Have you ever had such a long busy day at work that your brain seemed completely full? As if you could not compute or breakdown one more issue or tend to one more task. I think the word I am looking for is saturation. The brain is saturated.

I think I now fully realize why my aunt is as forgetful as she is these days. Granted.....she was losing her memory 12 years that time I thought it was peculiar but I was not particularly overwhelmed by it. I think I can now understand it. My memory these days has not been as sharp as I believe it should be for someone who is 41 years old. I have noticed a decrease in it in the last four years or so. Now....before there is complete utter concern........I am not forgetting my way home or missing meals. Clearly......missing meals is not happening!

I think in my own zealous drive to perform and continue to feed my sense of self accomplishment at work.....I have worked my brain to a state that demands a breather. Do I think that it has something to do with turning 40? Maybe......but I wouldn't hang my hat on it. I think it has to do with the level of competitiveness I have with my own spirit and the fact that I insist on completing tasks on time and worrying about what happens if I can't perform as expected.

I am a ESTJ in Myers/Briggs......"Life's Administrator" is the mantra for people of this personality type. I often wonder if I will have enough "administrator" left after life in Corporate America to make it through the rest of my life.

Maybe it is just part of the maturity process that causes us to pause and take a look around. I think I need more pauses.....more breathers. Less consumption about how I can continue to maintain my above average performance reviews and more time to concentrate on my well being.

Am I ready to quit? Heck no, but I certainly don't want to spend the last 2o years of my life having someone else cut up my food for me because I can't remember the difference between a knife and a fork. Eeeeeek!

Meanwhile.........I wait for my long overdue two week vacation at the end of May. A nice week in New England where I can concentrate on being a tourist and enjoy the company of good friends and TC.

Life does not get any better than that.............

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